she wants to die of natural causes
posted 2020-11-10 16:31:19

i cannot begin to go into the ridiculous details of the denouement of my relationship with diver. sadly, as much as i pride myself in my ability to walk away - he and his she are life suckers. they both want so badly to be the less bad person that in some weird fucking way it's like the two of them are fighting for custody of my empathy and understanding. i can't be distracted by their story; i seriously barely have the energy for mine.

so today, i will ghost them. both of them. this is very contrary to my normal refusal to harbor hate and the idea that people need good examples in their lives. i've taken this detour because i saw a meme today that said, you can forgive someone and not have them in your life. i'll never not answer the phone if someone needs help...but distance sounds like the right medicine for the moment.

in other news, my bat shit crazy mom is upset that i haven't been to NY since february. she's aware of the pandemic and travel restrictions but some how thinks that i must know people that will allow me to break the rules because i know everyone. i had to tell her a very brief three sentence synapsis about the end of the relationship with diver. she said, "i'm sure there is more to the story, but keep your secrets, it's fine with me, the less you tell people the better. people think you're hilarious because you do that thing where everything is funny. but it isn't. so keep your secrets because i want to die of natural causes not embarrassment."

....and that is fucking hilarious....i wonder where i get it from.

after she dies of natural causes i'm going to write a book about her. i mean it will seem like the book is about me, because it will be from my perspective, but realistically she'll be up there in the universe counting and comparing how many pages she occupies.

update on the ladies - M & S are simply the best things in this universe. they are like better versions of me.

a special thanks - i so greatly appreciate each of you here on hatelife. it saved my life years ago, and when i come back every now and again it reminds me how far i've come.

lastly, i had a dream that i became a pilot. so today i signed myself up for flight lessons. stay tuned...

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