posted 2020-11-30 12:51:47
a boat washed up onshore at my office today. the storm last night blew the heck out of our Christmas decorations too. apparently in the world of shipwrecks it is, in fact, finders keepers.
i think i would like a relationship. i’m not sure why; something just feels right about this chapter. timing and chemistry are all my brain accredits to the recipe of love. my friends want to introduce me to a new man; he’s definitely handsome. at issue is my lifelong rule of tainted fish tainted pond. he already “hooked up” with a friend. and my brain immediately labels him as a tainted fish. like, if you weren’t good enough for my friend, you are not good enough for me. this rule has drastically reduced my dating opportunities in this very smallish city. i’m wondering if i need to relinquish that one rule. the rule is not reciprocal; meaning when i stop dating someone and later on i see them with a friend, my immediate thought is - good for him, he found a nice girl. i know I’m not chopped liver, so this thought process is a little fucked.
also, i suck at cutting people off. i keep getting sucked in by diver and the coastie. both are equally as toxic in polar opposite ways for me. i think it highlights my character flaw of wanting to win. my dysfunction of only walking away when i know i have the ability to go back is next level bullshit. closed doors are where it’s at, yet here i am leaving those bitches wide open and letting those vibes of uncertainty eat my lunch.
now i’m hungry.
happy holidays hatelife friends.