runawaystar:
posted 2019-02-19 06:10:19

My parents aren't doing my brother any favors. I informed the latter about this seasonal position that I have worked the past three years. It would be a perfect opportunity for him to get on his feet after sitting around doing nothing the past ten years. This assignment is super easy and laid-back. He could easily handle it and then have something to put on his nearly blank resume.

The biggest concern would be transportation. My brother doesn't have a car, my father wouldn't be able to drop him off at a convenient hour, and my mother isn't reliable as I found out after my recent trip. My mother said that she would be able to drive my brother when my father has to work (typically 2-3 days per week), but that wasn't convincing enough for my dad who talked my brother out of pursuing this opportunity. I later told my dad that, with his part-time schedule, my mother would only have to drive my brother a few days each week. His response to that was, "You sure are persistent, aren't you?"

Well, maybe if YOU were more persistent, you wouldn't have a 32 year-old son who has no future and no hope of surviving when you pass away in a few years! I guess everyone is expecting ME to suffer and sacrifice when shit hits the fan, so that I'm never able to leave this miserable place despite saving most of my hard-earned paychecks towards this end!

My father repeatedly told me that he never intends to put this liability of a house up for sale, and the others in my immediate family never intend to do anything with their lives. Due to their collective stubbornness, I will have a very difficult decision to make when my father is no longer around. Do I stick around to help those who refused to help themselves all these years, at the expense of my own sanity? Do I run away and deal with the guilt of leaving behind my helpless brother and financially irresponsible mother? Or do I take some other action, such as fleeing before SHTF so that I am "out of sight, out of mind" when that day inevitably comes?

I don't know what I would do if I had a family of my own to support, on top of the fully-grown dependents in my immediate family who honestly believe they'll be able to live high on the hog forever! Boy will they be in for a massive reality check one day -- probably sometime next decade!

    reply by runawaystar
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Madi:
posted 2019-02-19 00:19:03

I can't sleep and I need to get some thoughts out of my brain. A week and a half ago, I was having a bad day mentally. So I drank a shit ton of wine and cut myself. And I texted Alex, my ex-boyfriend from ages ago because he used to be the most miserable person, but now he fixed himself. And I wanted to know how so I could fix myself too. Well that asshole texted my mom because he was "concerned." So my mom was freaking out and called Kathy to ask what was wrong with me. My dad also freaked out and had the cops come to my door after I was already passed out, which was not fun. Had to turn away an ambulance they called for because I was trashed.

Anyway, Kathy told my mom I was cutting and that I had been sexually assaulted. My mom fucking flew to Michigan. Now I'm back in counseling. I also went to this sexual assault support group today that my counselor runs every week. It was actually kind of nice to be around people who get it. I feel like the way Kathy has handled it has kind of pushed us apart a bit. I feel betrayed that she told my mom. My choice keeps getting taken away. That was my secret to keep or tell, not hers, and I wasn't ready to tell my mom. I don't know if I ever would have been. And I'm sure my mom went and told my dad too. When my mom asked about it, I refused to give any details. I feel like she would have judged and condemned the choices I made that night, like Kathy did. Kathy told me a while back that I "made a mistake, but I fixed it." Because it's my fault. And I just know what my mom would say if I told her I went home with two guys I had just met. So yeah, I'm still feeling guilty enough about it without Kathy and my mom adding to it. And now my mom won't stop calling every day to ask how I'm feeling.

And I don't know, I feel bad for being upset with Kathy too because I know it's not her intent to be insensitive. I was in her position too at one point, and I still feel awful for not knowing what to do and not doing more. My friend was raped at a party when we were 15. I wasn't there for her enough because I just didn't know how to be. She ended up slitting her wrists a couple months later. She survived and got taken out of school and put in an in-patient treatment center. We lost touch but we're still facebook friends and she's doing well now. But god I wish would have tried harder to figure out how to be there for her. I am extremely grateful that I had Ethan as pretty much my sole source of support because I don't know what I would have done without him. And I don't even deserve his friendship because it seems like I only text him when I need something.

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the best of fschmidt:
posted 2019-02-17 16:24:21

"I moved to El Paso to get away from Americans."

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New Year New M.E.: Lady looks like a dude
posted 2019-02-16 22:00:47

Gf has become a tomboy more and more as weíve dated.. This has decreased our sex life. She now wants to start dressing more androgynous. Flat out told her if she looks more masculine Iím gone.

Honestly itís just time to end this. For awhile now Iíve been meaning to do a pros and cons of dating her. However my gf is not that bright and every article of clothing she showed me was not androgynous. She literally found out about androgyny yesterday when I told her I might be working with an androgynous model.

Iím tired of this shit

    reply by Loudsilence
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Circle:
posted 2019-02-16 13:51:39

Itís Saturday... usual day for taking inventory of my life.

Iím pretty sure my friend is a narcissist. He is never there for me but expects me to be at his beckon call. Maybe I am a narcissist too for expecting him to be there for me.

I have so much to do but I am super lazy.... I canít get motivated. Iím moving to a new house next week. Given my credit rating and dogs, Iím lucky to have found something less than 3k a month in this area.

Iím trying not to dwell on my situation but I have fallen so far in the last year. Iíve lost all my money, sold my house and am in tremendous debt.

I wish there was a magic pill for me to feel better... Iím not sure 50mg Zoloft is enough.

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Gauntlet:
posted 2019-02-15 11:50:23

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me. I heart all over. I feel so gross, inside and out. My joints are in pain, my body all over feels sensitive, I want to curl up in the fetal position and just stay there. Not die. I still think I'd rather feel this way then die. The light that I found a couple years ago has finally been snuffed Outlook, and I haven't a clue what the culprit is. I've analyzed the hell out of everything, but nothing fits perfectly. The break up, and maybe the whole relationship with fitgirl, getting sick for like two months, stopping prozac, being overwhelmed with debts and my spending habits,


I lost the motivation to keep writing.

Fucklife right now.

    reply by spring
       reply by Gauntlet
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caterpillar:
posted 2019-02-13 18:33:51

so i'm still dating that guy (second date was good, seeing him again tonight). and a friend just liked me on a dating site, and she's open to dating people who are also dating other people. so i think i'll ask her out as soon as i figure out more about what's happening with me and poly guy.

there is a world in which i could have a girlfriend AND a boyfriend and it is hilarious to me.

    reply by Epigenetic
       reply by caterpillar
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waterproof: Soft Shelled
posted 2019-02-13 00:37:03

Soft-shelled turtles can whip their necks back and grab the fingers of little kids that touch their shells. That's what I could have been writing half a year ago, but the turtle chose to let me be a cool dad for the day. They (and me) touched the shell and didn't get their fingers are bit off and sent to the bottom of a pond made into turtle poop right now. I'm still a good dad, flaws and all. Thanks for telling me, Science Dad! You are still worthless!

Being a parent is a constant struggle of weighing childish creative freedom and formative restrictions. At best the restrictions are teaching moments to allow them to carry forward personal restrictions which should be carefully weighed and self imposed. Childish creative freedom is great to the point that they explore their self likes but can devolve into unfettered pursuit of pleasures and affordable decadences.

I'm definitely more on the free expression end and my wife is the more restrictive. She wants to impose restrictions for results.

All evils in this world stem directly from the pursuits of results.

Yeah you don't want your kid spitting on you and taking his shirt off during church. But, hey man, he's being himself! Who am I to say he sits still for 45 minutes wearing a basketball t-shirt? My son's free expression of himself was to spit on my coat and run around in the back of church and screaming and yelling that he has to pee 3 times and when tried to be corralled he pinches my face and makes animal noises. I couldn't be prouder than to accept his animal self expression as a model of wonder and amazement. What else will you teach me coat-spitter? What can we learn from your mindless flapping of your arms?

I'm not pursuing results.

As an amazing parent, I let my creative juices flow to take all of the toys out of his room. This mindless self expression of my childish emotion couldn't find any other solution then to calmly remove all source of joy in his life in order to reset the plane of authority. Of course my son and his creative genius of intentionally coughing in my face to "make sure we all have the cough now" was brilliant, but I'm just a foolish parent, restricted by experience and modern adulthood, too bathed in the wondrous restriction of corporate America to think that he is wrong.

Oh what will you teach me next almost-5-year-old? I am ever so sorry for removing your Paw Patrol and Octonauts set from your bedroom. Will you ever forgive me? So many apologies for making you earn them back, if they are important to you. I'll let you tell me, since you're a bastion of wisdom and knowledge and experience.

It's not results, it's re-calibration.

The bottom line is that children and emotion should be held to the highest regard, allowing them to be in charge and running of anything they ask for. If a child says that their imaginary friend is trying to sit in seat that his INFANT BROTHER IS CURRENTLY OCCUPYING he should be be free to push him on the ground and scream at him. That's creativity at work - just like William Golding taught us. So brilliant!

No, it is results. No it's not. It's education. Results based education.

But you're an artist. That's right. You have a creative mind and I shouldn't restrict it. What have I been thinking? I love the drawings you make and that ideas you tell me. I like how since you were 2 you used to draw big people heads with obnoxiously long legs extending down the dry erase board. You came up with that completely on your own. Seriously. You drew the eyes, mouths, circle heads, and legs, all on your own. That was amazing. At 2 you did that.

No, nobody is in charge of you. You're free to do as you wish. But my job is to give you all of the pages of the playbook and your job is to gather it from other people and to apply it appropriately to your situation. But if you're still not getting it, it's my job to keep bringing you back and presenting it in a way until you get it.

We'll get there.

But if I find you're over 20 years old and suggesting nonsense and trying to force your will on other people... this is where I'll draw the line. This is where everyone draws the line. You are NOT FREE to be an adult child running around telling people what they should be doing. I will not sit by and allow myself to be spit upon by a child who would become an adult who spits upon adults or children.

Your restrictions are for your own good. I don't like them any more than you. I tried to be nice, but your mom was right all along. If you never adopt your own personal restrictions for yourself - that's on you. I, like every parent, did my best. I always... constantly... thought of and carefully weighed your own self expression. Self expression is best accomplished through a disciplined individual who knows his limits but also knows the power of his own potential.

Remember someone had always been trying to weigh this for your own benefit - constantly adapting to the drama of the day. Putting aside my own needs and trying to figure out what you needed. But at some point, you will take the reigns, and you won't need me anymore.

This is the purpose and personal tragedy of every parent. What does all of this mean? Bonus points if you can track down the IP address used to track back this post based on my hhonors account during my corporate stay... Hey how did you link the account where I used my points to provide free lodging in our 2019 Spring Break vacation? What the fuck? I thought you were going to become an artist, not a computer hacker? Or is the future so easy with AI and quantum computing that just anyone can track-back internet history from 2019? I carry my laptop around thinking I'm going to write something of substance - because God knows I can't do that from home anymore!! And this is the thanks I get? Wasn't trying to create breadcrumbs for you to pick up and throw back in my 203X face. Have you not considered the the freedom of expression of your parent? Oh, you're still focused on the Paw Patrol toys in the basket still in the attic? Did you ever try asking? Or are you going to exact your revenge so many years later on a non-sense grudge from your childhood. Stop it! Why are you getting into my phone history? No, those are jokes and it was a different time then, 2019. It was a time when bygones were bygones. Well, every year except 2018.

Just don't tell me my cryptocurrency has become worthless!

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miss misery: A tear for the colleagues who were wronged and betrayed by &
posted 2019-02-12 03:53:26

"Cause they told me everybody's got to pay their dues
And I explained that (we all) had overpaid them
So overdued I went to the company store
and the clerk there said that they had just been invaded.....

Cause how many times can you wake up in this comic book and plant flowers?"

Rodriguez - Cause Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Although I hope this is not always the case, there has been much disappointment and anguish rather than appreciation for what was a precious opportunity for a gathering of like-minded, committed and seriously smart individuals. I've watched this team deconstructed like a slow and painful dissection of a living being, hurting for the ideals we put faith in that were falsified more over time. I hold the carcass, as is the role of the last to represent. My tears are not for reconciliation, they are not for my own pity, not for foolishness of having given faith and trust, but for us- the unappreciated, the disregarded and the devalued solid gold that was here within our capacity. There was some magic in our combined skills and carefully chosen parts that complimented and exceeded our singular value.

Regrets- I was not a part of the magic for long before the poison invaded us and took from us the shine and contentment.

I was not afforded the privilege of wisdom and guidance from a senior mentor for as long as I'd hoped, and this sort of influence was squashed and seen as a power-struggle, not a genuine gift by those with power and influence.

My efforts to overwork to save our soles are in vain for an immediate benefit of being offered some reward of an ongoing employment role.

That I continued to do everything I was asked even when there were no souls to save.

.............................................







I know that letting go must come, but right now is hard.

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LoudSilence:
posted 2019-02-10 13:47:07

Getting used to the new schedule and position...not too shabby.


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