posted 2020-02-18 20:17:06

for some reason I feel like crap. just tired all the time.

    reply by M.e.
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M.e.: Help M.E.
posted 2020-02-18 19:02:50

I havenít been able to find a therapist around here. So I went to better help...and the counselor canceled at the time of the session for a family emergency and Iíd have to wait till next week....

I switched counselors. I need to talk to someone this week.

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posted 2020-02-18 05:55:51

All it took was one workday to erase the mental health gains that I made over the weekend. I cannot go on like this.

I wish my dad would finally make up his mind as to when he plans to retire. He originally said March or April when he becomes eligible for Medicare. He then pushed it back to "right before Thanksgiving" before changing his mind to "maybe around Memorial Day weekend." I asked him again yesterday and he said "I don't know" before changing the subject. It's frustrating. I depend on him for a ride to-and-from work because I refuse to drive downtown in rush-hour traffic. I need to know when he will be retiring so I have ample time to make my next move. Maybe I should just start looking for work-from-home jobs now and then expand my search to include jobs closer to home and in other parts of the country once I return from my vacation this spring.

My new wedge pillow sucks. It was crammed into the box it came in and is so hard that my neck is extremely sore right now. I'm going to look for super soft pillows that might help lessen the strain a bit. Otherwise, I'll have to return this item like I've returned so many other items I've ordered on Amazon lately.

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posted 2020-02-15 20:12:47


still want to have children?

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posted 2020-02-14 12:59:25

Spending v-day getting cozed up with my 2d fu-fus.

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posted 2020-02-13 23:26:01

today after work I didn't just come home and sit down. I played with the dogs, and then I took beano the youngest on a long walk at a nice park. It's sort of a half hike, depending on how you define hike I suppose. There are parts that are concrete and asphalt, then there are dirt trails, and broken jagged walkways down to the American River. I am too shell shocked from my last real experience of letting our german off leash, so instead I hold on to the tip of the seven foot leash and let get as deep into the river as that length will allow. She loves it, jumping full force straight into the flowing water, biting it, hoping it will bite her back and relishing the cold refreshing liquid. Its something to watch her play in water, I always feel like I'm limiting her joy. I would love to let her run free in nature, but I have to be responsible. After our walk we headed back home, I remembered that on a side job I did Sunday there was a lemon tree that I pruned and the Patriarch of the family gave me all their lemons. It's not unusual for the people I work for to have more lemons then they know what to do with. I happily obliged, even though i knew it was likely they would mostly go to waste if I didn't give most of them away. What do people really do with lemons anyway? So i gave some to our new neighbors, and some to our older neighbor Rosemary, I attempted to give some to another neighbor forgetting she had her own lemon tree that put her in the same place as the couple i got mine from, instead she gave me some rum. It's a little strange to get a bottle of rum that has been opened and drank. I don't particularly like rum, or liquor really, I just always feel strange rejecting someones attempt at kindness, or offloading stuff they don't want. After the neighbor exchanges I did some basic chores, and cooked a frozen pizza. Then the future wifey came home and we ate, and watched Sex Education on Netfix. Not many shows make me tear up, but that one seems to have a direct line to what makes my eyes a bit damp. Now I write after checking my finances on my computer. She is preparing for bed, and I will probably do the same.

Adios Hatelife.

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wikked: I used to care but things have changed
posted 2020-02-13 19:18:26

This is an interesting, albeit aggravating, situation...

Backstory-the house I live in is old. Very old and worn down. It is falling in around me and we have been getting solid, uninterrupted rain for days upon weeks. SO the electricity is getting squirrelly. Scary and sketchily so. I feel a knot in my stomach most days-what disaster will it be today? Are the toilets flushing? Is half the house not getting any power whatsoever? Do we have hot water today? Has it finally burned down while I was at work?

Thus I have landed here, in this laundromat, drying my clothes in a room full of strangers. I say a room full, but it is some old man, some old lady, and some younger-ish kid that seems to know the old man. I have not done laundry here in quite some years, it is weird to be back but I am, as always, relieved that there isnt a crowd. And no children, thank Christ.

Can I be honest here? Of course I can, it's the *only* place, I think. Although I may have to yell at a bitch if she touches my clothes... Anyway, these dumb Appalachian people that require a fucking translator... This wheezing bitch trying to count six quarters, gasping for breath and speaking slow because all the oxi is depressing her respiratory functions. It's gross. So gross. I dont even know why I am posting any of this.

No. That's a lie. It is a weird form of internal monologue, meant more for avoiding eye contact and conversation with these....people. Thank goodness phones have made us so antisocial and offputting.

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posted 2020-02-10 07:46:22

Is it better to be remembered for something that you weren't, or not remembered at all? Asking for a friend.

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HelloAgain: Hello darkness my old friend....
posted 2020-02-09 21:39:43

So I'm in a predicament.
My mom died a few months back. She was a shot person and I still haven't sorted it out. My cousin died Wednesday. And my "best friend blew. Me. Off, it was find because I assumed she was busy etc and I didn't want to talk about it. But I got Jeffree star mystery box and amd. Had. A. Fraction of joy. Then I receive a call from another friend who ran into said best friend. Best friend told her to call me cause she just can't deal with me right now( I always drop everything for her)
Fast forward to bar my drunk ass husband ours the fact that her and I ha e feelings for each other. We ended up making out I held her til she was safe and asleep. Now I feel that she is sober there will be regret. I think my stupid ass offered to bring her into the family. We are not poly per se. But here is many attachments on both sides. Husband knows I'm upset and nervous. But I also will not force someone to discuss anything until they are ready. So I feel that I should not get drunk around her just so I can control the situation and make sure she doesn't do things she will regret and so I don't get hurt. I'm trying really hard not to shut down out of fear.... Wish me luck, give advice, anything

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the best of fschmidt:
posted 2020-02-05 18:59:23

For many years I had a fantasy about forming a sane community. The fantasy was to gather the sane remnant from this insane world and form a community for reasonable people. This was partly inspired by the concept of the remnant of the Israelites in the Old Testament after the fall of Israel and Judah. But this idea has a fatal flaw. There is no remnant. Humanity has become pure trash, there are no reasonable people left.

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