posted 2021-03-04 11:03:14

Had a massive panic attack before a zoom interview... couldnít even breathe right. I had to cancel and I feel like a schmuck !!! I like interviewing other people but I hate talking about myself... canít they just look at my portfolio and my 100 recommendations? I donít want to talk about myself.

I need to fix this and get out of my own way. I have been stuck in this dead end job with a manager who demoralizes me for 3 years. I deserve better.

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A Young Thousand: And I hate to fade alone. Now there's only M.E.
posted 2021-03-04 04:23:54

NP: Gary Numan - M.E.

I re-enrolled and started taking classes this year, working towards an IT degree. It seems to have stopped the "I don't know where my class is and I haven't done homework all semester and my life is fucked" nightmares. I was extremely worried they would increase - something I don't think I could handle. They've been plaguing me for years now. Apparently, taking direction and responsibility was exactly what I needed, surprising literally no one.

I've obtained my first ever stretch marks. What I was originally worried might be a bacterial infection turned out to be some nice stripes on the inside and bottom of my thighs. I have one pair of sweats and one pair of trousers and nothing else fits. This is fine, since I don't go anywhere. The fact that I might be able to go somewhere in the near future is seriously clashing with the final form of my alcoholism and social withdraw. The deadline for turning this around is approaching.

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Will the real M.E. please stand up?:
posted 2021-03-02 20:09:09

Mass shooters should really start targeting health insurance companies...and pharmaceutical reps.

    reply by beautifulagony
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posted 2021-03-02 17:48:21

I am so bored with my life. I should just be grateful for what I have. I have a good job where I donít have to work too hard. Itís rarely stressful. CB has his moments, but he isnít a bad partner. He accepts me as I am for the most part, and weíve gotten along a lot better the last four months or so. Iím buried in student debt, but who isnít. I have a nice apartment to live in, I can afford my bills fine. Itís all so boring though. Iím bored at work, Iím bored at home after work and on the weekends. I go to bed early and take naps because I canít be bored while Iím sleeping. Whatís wrong with me? Why canít I just be happy?

I wish I had friends in the area. The only friend Iíve made in New Mexico is my front desk lady at work, and sheís almost double my age.

I tried to just bury my doubts about CB. Weíve even been talking about getting engaged because thatís what people do. But the doubts keep bubbling back up, creating this knot in my stomach that I canít shake. Fuck me.

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posted 2021-02-27 23:09:36

so every house that looks nice is gone two days after it hits the market, and I'm the kind of person who hates to act quickly about shit like this.

    reply by beautifulagony
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posted 2021-02-25 17:59:24

Listening to a song immediately after hearing the nightcore version is like hearing the original in super slow motion. Perception is freaky.

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Gauntlet: Ways my anxiety manifests
posted 2021-02-25 12:55:54

When I'm in line to order and or pay for something i rehearse my order almost non stop before getting to the counter
i make sure I have back up forms of payment so no one will think I'm poor if my card declines

I'm afraid to go on walks around my neighborhood, especially with my wife or dog
when walking with them i am overly focused on what they are doing and where they are and if they are paying as much attention to our surroundings as i am
I'm constantly scanning for threats, but also trying not to look like I'm concerned or trying not to be racist or insensitive to those i may perceive as threats

One a recent walk with my wife i made sure i had my knife on me and a flashlight, as we are walking every person we pass is a potential threat, but not always to our physical safety, maybe they have opinions about me or her, maybe they think we are walking through to steal, or they don't like my tattoos
as we continue walking a potential threat arises, a man walking with a golf club, i do t know clubs but it's not a putter or a driver, he's not using it as a cane, he isn't necessarily dressed for golf, he's younger, probably under 40, he's on the opposite side walk heading the opposite direction, i try to keep an eye on him without making myself obvious, don't want to draw attention and cause an issue. He's also black, I'm a white guy with a american flag sparta helmet shirt on, plenty of assumptions we could make about each other. He might think I'm racist and watching him cause he's black, now all of these thoughts are in my head while my wife may not even see him at this point and is telling me a story.

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beautifulagony: One thing that i forgot to mention...
posted 2021-02-20 05:42:23

When affirmative action was still around,(most states now have a system in place that allows a certain percentage of top high school students in state school) the major recipients of affirmative action were white women.


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posted 2021-02-14 02:56:52

free idea for some enterprising youth out there: hatelife could have a similarly satisfying minimalist user experience plus a major functionality upgrade if ported to a discord server

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a hatelife OG just lurking: Private message on here
posted 2021-02-02 03:07:13

Can you private message on here these days?

    reply by runawaystar
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