posted 2020-06-02 21:29:48

i'm blacking out all of american-western-jewish pop culture starting today.

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posted 2020-06-01 23:51:00

also, river city has been slightly on fire with all the rioting. a friend of my partner A's has been a Starbucks barista for 20 years, and they're paying her through the end of the week while they try to get the store functional again- the windows were smashed and it was badly water damaged by the sprinkler system from the massive fire set in the urban streetwear store two doors down. At the end of the week, they'll try and float her to another location, if they can, and if not, shrug.

The gamestop in between them is, I'm sure, full of really sad cardboard cutouts.

Tinder has very few people on it over the age of 25, and even fewer that I'd be interested in talking to.

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posted 2020-06-01 19:25:15

I think what Iíve been trying to say is that my whole life Iíve been told, from all sides of my family tree, that being white was a privilege, that not being seen as Mexican was a good thing because of all the bullshit that came with darker skin. I was almost shoved out of what was my heritage as a way to protect me from the ďothernessĒ of color. I have benefitted from it, but I have felt guilty about it my entire life.

I understand why my family said the things they did and pushed me out of their circle, and I understand why my mom encouraged it. It didnít stop me from hating every ounce of privilege I had though, and I think Iíve always shied away from talking about it because Iíve benefitted from being treated as ďdifferentĒ from my own flesh and blood.

This has been brewing in mind for the last few months and has really come to a head for me with the state of the US these days. Who am I to feel guilt and shame and sorrow over a culture that is not my own? How can I cry and grieve and be devastated over the abuse of people that I donít ďbelongĒ to?

ďYouíre white, you should stick with being white, itís for your benefit.Ē
This is what Iíve been told my whole life. And I did it because I felt I didnít have a choice.

I keep seeing these articles about becoming anti-racist, that it isnít enough to be silent and neutral. Iíve been silent and neutral my whole life and all itís done is give me an identity crisis and raging case guilt.

There is a lot of work to be done.

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the best of fschmidt:
posted 2020-05-30 21:23:10

Defense of self and property used to be a legitimate reason to shoot in America. The police should simply shoot everyone who trespasses on private property as a defense of that property. That would quickly end the riots and improve the gene pool.

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echoes: 12 July 1984
posted 2020-05-30 12:35:42

And Kieth lit a cigar.

Jones cleared his throat. "The landlord won't like you smoking in here," he said.

Kieth shrugged. "Well, I don't like the landlord, so there we are."

"If the sprinklers come on and we get soaked it's not my problem," Jones said. He sat and stretched his legs out on the bed.

"Well, if they do, help me move those boxes out into the hall. Stuff for Brenda. Some of it seems delicate."

"More? Seriously? How long is she going to keep playing this game? What are you two even doing?"

"I'm building a machine," she said around her cigar. Puff, puff. "At least we're building something like a machine. All Brenda tells me is to go places and get things and I go there and get them. Most of the time I don't know what the hell it's about."

"And you have no idea why? About any of it?"

"Brenda is the one with the plan. She said it was a surprise." She tapped ashes onto the floor. "I have to say, it has my interest. It's the most intricate thing I've ever seen, beyond anything I can imagine. I have no idea what it's going to do."

"World's weirdest scavenger hunt," he said, shook his head slightly, gazed out the window.

"Who knows." She looked at some old scars on her knuckles.

"In my considered opinion, I think Brenda is batshit crazy."

"You know, she might actually enjoy hearing you say so," she said, the left side of her mouth grinning. Kieth took the cigar out of her mouth and stared at the cherry-glowing tip. "Anyway. Why are you called IBM Jones? You've never explained it to me."

A shrug. "I dunno. Sounded good, at one point, like futuristic or cyberpunk. I guess. I dunno."

She looked at her arm. "Do you think I should get a tattoo? Like computer circuits, a blueprint, something. Brenda's machine gave me the idea. Maybe on my back."

"Are you sure? Tattoos are so trite, don't you think?"

A shrug. She toed off one red sneaker, struggled with the next, kicked it off, watched it fly across the room. It sailed through the open bathroom door and right into the toilet. She sputtered curses.

"Hold this!" She gave Jones the cigar and went into the bathroom. When she was out of sight, Jones put the cigar out on the bottom of his shoe and set it on the nightstand.

Kieth fished in the toilet for her shoe, withdrew it with two long fingers, tossed it into the bathtub, washed her hands. Standing at the bathroom door she glanced at the nightstand. "What did you do to my cigar?"

Blink, blink.

"You put out my fucking cigar."

Kieth walked to the nightstand and picked up the cigar, held it up to her eyes.

"You put it out."

"Er," Jones said. "They're bad for you?"

"No one puts out my cigars."

The left corner of his mouth grinned.

Kieth set the cigar down, flipped him off, failed to hide her own smile, sat on the bed, chewed a fingernail.

"So what happens now?" he said.

"I don't really know. Wait for a phone call?"

He looked into Kieth's eyes. They were blue, so pale they were almost gray, worn-down as though she'd done this before. Whatever this was. Maybe this was part of a *relationship*.

But she smiled at him. Her mouth was wide, and her nose was big, so whenever she smiled she looked like she was about to burst with joy. In all this she was devastatingly beautiful to him. She stood, and took off her t-shirt, and then slipped out of her jeans. Gorgeously, she wasn't wearing anything underneath.

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posted 2020-05-29 17:47:15

As soon as I'm no longer able to work from home, I'll be quitting my job and traveling around the world like I was going to do a few years ago.

My current job was originally supposed to last two weeks. It has now been almost two years and while I don't mind this job, I don't want to spend the final years of my youth in a place that I greatly abhor.

If this proposal comes to fruition, I know where I will be headed as soon as normalcy returns in our world:

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Covid-1M.E.: Served cold
posted 2020-05-29 04:34:45

I know a guy whoís on the verge of making it big. Heís very talented and it was only a matter of time.

Many moons ago l walked into a party where he and his then band mate who is now a cop were in black face. I was the only POC there too. I still have the pictures. The second this guy makes it big Iím going to TMZ if the moneyís right, I have no qualms ruining this guy.

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posted 2020-05-29 01:34:39

got back to keto and fasting last Saturday 5/22 weighed in the next day fasted around 249.6 if I remember correctly. shooting to get back to 199. today has been a hard day. No real work that had to be done so I basically didn't do anything but drive to a couple properties and look at them. hot as hell outside, most things are still closed, couldn't kill time or energy at the gym, nothing else seemed like something I wanted to do. I am eager to get back into my gym routine. overall I had a really good start, most of the days have been a breeze. I quit my diet soda, quit dairy, drink lots of water, walk often, and have been trying to get together with friends more than I have before. Prozac seems to be working. I really want to get back to my yin yoga as well, no idea when that will open back up. I've been keeping my calories super low, I broke 2000 calories yesterday, but before that it's all been below 1600. I should probably up that. I'm trying real hard to not weigh myself except on Saturdays. super excited to see what progress I've made Saturday.

we are also supposed to hang with my family at my parents house this weekend which is exciting. oh I also quit drinking for awhile again.

next month we are planning on driving to Arkansas, the fiancee hasn't had a real American road trip before, trying to think of what we can do along the way to make the trip worth more than just visiting my dad. we will probably stay at a brothel in Vegas, maybe drive the strip at night? I don't think I've actually done that before. maybe we can take the north route instead of south. idk at least gas is cheap.

I want to keto for three months or so and then switch over to a less restrictive diet. this has been my plan almost Everytime I start keto though, so we shall see.

adios hatelife

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topavia 2019: the life of a spectator
posted 2020-05-27 13:48:14

i didn't even know i was a spectator until i realized it was over....

diver may or may not have been married the entire time we dated. i don't know for sure, i also don't care to know. i wouldn't have dated him had i known, and it's now obviously over, but those memories are mine and i want to keep them exactly as they are - untainted. whatever he did - my smiles were never fake and i don't want to give them back.

any's single girl summer now... lol.

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posted 2020-05-24 03:40:25


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