M.E. II:
posted 2024-09-11 13:30:55
Unfriended an ex. She’s a trumper Now. She was pretty silent about it but she’s the reason I knew about Project 25 well over a year before it caught on a few months ago. She basically can’t think for herself. When she dated me she could rap immortal technique word for word. Now your voting for trump?????
She Just adopts the politics of her current significant other.
confidential:
posted 2024-09-11 09:10:28
kamala harris: i will continue the same inflationary policies that have made life unaffordable for americans
also kamala harris: b-b-but i'm a totally different candidate than joe biden, trust me guys!
here are the facts:
- consumer prices have surged more than 20% since 2020
- tens of millions have come into our country illegally
- the porous border is an ongoing national security risk
- america's biggest advesaries have become emboldened
biden and the former prosecutor have been a disaster for this country. trump missing a huge opportunity last night doesn't change that fact. americans are hurting. they were better off under trump and will remember that when they cast their votes in two months.
the polls don't mean anything just as the popular vote doesn't mean anything. surveying a bunch of liberals in calfornia and new york doesn't reflect how people will vote in the states that really matter. voters in the midwestern swing states are struggling and will come out in droves in support of trump. it would be a complete landslide if trump didn't get in his own way like he did last night. it might be a landslide anyway.
lastly, fuck abc/disney and fuck taylor swift.
Cage: No place else to turn
posted 2024-09-09 12:08:26
I am back here again. It has been so so long. I have no where else to turn to write out my thoughts. I cannot afford to see a therapist. It's just not a reality at this point in time. Maybe in a year.
I am so fucking unhappy. I feel like my inner light has dimmed so dark that it's down to the tail end of a match just before it flickers out. What once was roaring fire is now nothing. Was it the world? Society? Life? Did those things do this to me? PTSD from a very bad pandemic experience? Being a parent to 2 small children and constantly fighting with a spouse that I struggle to connect with? Yes. Likely all of those fucking things. I can't take it anymore. I feel like my head is barely above water emotionally, professionally, financially, and spiritually. I pray for help. I pray for guidance. I pray for strength. The things I used to love and enjoy only make me sad. Trying to do the things I used to love depresses me when I realize I can't enjoy it anymore. There is too much pressure. I don't exist. The person I was is completely dead. There is no me. I now exist only in service to other people. I have to be the father to my children, the spouse, the employee. I don't have a "me" any longer. Whenever I try and do something for myself, it ends poorly. My spouse unintentionally gets upset at me for being selfish and begins to resent me. It's not their fault. They don't do it on purpose. But it happens. It happens every time. So I stopped. And now here I am. A walking corpse. The living dead. Going through the motions just feigning a smile to fit in so people don't ask me questions and I don't have to share with them how utterly destroyed I am in every way shape and form. I keep gaining weight. I keep drinking. I keep doing the things that I know are exacerbating all of my issues because they offer me temporary relief. I don't care. Why should I care about doing things the right way for the long term when all I can focus on is just surviving day to day.
I don't know if I will ever be truly happy again. I don't think that is something that is in the cards for me. I'm not suicidal. I want to be happy. I don't want to die. I just don't know any way to make things improve and I am working to get comfortable with just being unhappy and unfulfilled for the rest of my time here on earth.
Wonko The Sane: The Journey Ahead
posted 2024-08-13 16:02:45
.. well, it so happens that I had an epiphany today, and happened to be around here recently. This isn't some wild coninsidence, I'm sure the memories of this place were stirred up in the recent therapy work I've been doing.
I've been on a journey. I've decided that I will be seen and heard by my family members. That I won't give in to narcissistic bullshit anymore. I do clearly see what it is now.
I am a narcissist. I know this because I was raised by narcissists, to be a narcissist. Now.. I think narcissism is a scale, and I'm not at the far end of it, but I do see and understand the parts I've been playing in this family dynamic, and the people I've hurt.
The good news is that now I know better, and can do better. This change is already well underway. There have been some real and deep apologies, and good evidence that I am walking a better path.
.. it this is just base camp for the journey. I now understand where the journey goes.
This journey is complete when the root of the intergenerational narcissistic abuse has been addressed, and when my family is safe from it's influence.
.. that can mean a few things. I don't know what future comes of this journey.
I do know the future includes new boundaries. The boundaries will be constructed to prevent narcissistic harm specifically to myself and my children, but also to all members of the household. The boundaries will be set such that my trauma triggers are respected, and my home is a safe place.
.. I hope wife gets on board with the idea. We've been doing counseling together, and she's supportive of everything. I believe she will understand my objective, and come along to my better future! (Totally no way this could result in a cult)
I've reached the top of the hill. I have a retirement plan. Assuming stable employment, I know when my house will be paid. I have projections on when I can retire. I am not going to get any hamster, smarter, or stronger. Having crested the hill, I can now see what lies beyond.
This next chapter of my life will be titled "The Journey" (Because "The decent" isn't likely to get buy in from my wife, and that game was just a bit too weird, 3d rotation was a bit much)
Well.. it's nice to have some direction.
I'll be back? Maybe less than 5 years this time. :)
reply by Wonko the sane
sero.duh:
posted 2024-07-31 13:57:32
Do you ever think that overthinking goes out of style? Like, one day I just won’t do it anymore?
I applied for a state job last month. I got an interview early this month. It took them two weeks to call my references and now I’m waiting patiently to hear a response.
The odds are in my favor, but the waiting is stressing me out.
I think it’s just a reminder that I need more things to do in my life. I’m so bored, but my brain wants me to do everything to the point that I just do nothing. Does that make sense?
Things are fine though, life is actually pretty good right now. I really don’t have any complaints, except that I have just the sense of being bored. Maybe that’s why I applied for a different job? Just to have something new?
Sometimes it’s hard to reconcile the chaotic version of my life in the past with the chill and happy version that I have now. I can’t tell if I miss the excitement or if I’m just used to that chaos so I feel weird without it.
franklin:
posted 2024-07-31 13:33:50
High density cities are shrinking. Americans rightly can't tolerate each other.
It's Over:
posted 2024-06-28 11:02:33
Returning to Hatelife after a decade-long hiatus to post this blast from the past that's more relevant than ever after last night:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4YioKf1ygo
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thewitch: Just hold me tight and tell me you'll...
posted 2024-06-16 00:30:56
...miss me.
On the drive out to the party, I asked for a sign that he is aware of our connection. And I asked for that sign to be for him to bring up his dreams with me.
***
Why am I so nervous? Is "nervous" even the right word? I barely ate yesterday, and I've barely eaten today. I've got this abundance of nervous energy. Last night I only slept five hours which is not normal for me. Although, it was long and deep enough to find him...
***
It feels like so much happened last night and yet, with such a subtlety that I could easily mistake it all for my imagination.
As soon as I arrived, our friend told me that my name was just mentioned by him. Interesting. I heard that a couple of times. It felt like my presence was a topic of conversation amongst certain, select people in the group. And he was at the center of all of it.
After wishing him a happy birthday, I gave him his gift. It was small, and meaningful, and I think he appreciated it. I'm glad I decided to get him something.
For the first few hours of the night, we played our typical game. The one where I chat with certain friends, and he chats with others, and somehow he manages to always position himself within my line of sight. Perhaps it was because I was 100% sober and my intuition and perception were heightened after the meditation, but it was so easy to notice how he made an effort to do that. It wasn't coincidence. And now I understood that it has never been coincidence. He has been doing this for years, and so intentionally. So any time I happened to look up or straight ahead instead of at the person I would be talking to, my gaze would naturally fall upon him. Brilliant.
Later on in the evening, my friend and I joined the group sitting around the bonfire. As she chatted about how in love she is with her new husband and how in love he is with her, she asked me if I knew how it felt to catch someone looking at you and feel your heart jump into your throat. I told her that I did. And, as I looked up, I caught him. Perfection.
The guitars came out, and the guy sitting on my other side began to play. As I sang quietly, he came over with his guitar and stood in front of me. They played together, and I sang, and they harmonized, and I have never before felt such a balanced and open throat chakra. Magical.
Between songs, I left to use the washroom, and as I returned, he had sat down by the fire and called me over to sit next to him. And there we remained for the rest of the evening.
It was the best conversation we have ever had. It felt deep and deliberate, honest and open, reciprocal and revealing. I learned more about him, and I let him in more than I normally would. And then, he mentioned his dreams. Specifically that his dreams have been really intense and vivid and full of messages lately. Well, for the past two months since the eclipse. He must have said the word "dreams" 4 or 5 times, and it felt like spirit was making sure that I got the message.
Oh yeah, I got it.
He told me about how he has started to play the guitar intuitively, like the music is being channelled, and how the silence between the notes actually feels more powerful than the notes themselves, and how he starts so slowly and lets the melody reveal itself. It sounded tantric and I wanted to say as much, but I held back. Instead, I said that I cannot wait to hear it when the time is right. And we talked about how we will collaborate to host a cacao ceremony with a guitar sound journey.
The whole night was beautiful.
And as people began to leave, I noticed how he only stood up and really embraced me. I didn't want to let go, and I could tell neither did he.
I cried on the drive home.
meep: Oh, the irony
posted 2024-04-18 21:53:28
No really. Why on earth would I be so stupid as to tell the universe that for a split second there, everything felt okay.
It's almost comical how quickly everything has come undone.
reply by waterproof
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